Thursday, August 28, 2014

Flawed




grey matter in black smoke
lungs are no longer bespoke
ultramarine conceals the observer's eye
egg tempera without the yolk





©2014 Anthony Desmond Scott. All Rights Reserved. 

over at d'Verse we're writing Ruba’i and Rubáiyá while focusing on three rules:

- Rhyme-scheme AABA
- All lines approximately the same length
- The last line in the quatrain summarize the other three

click here to follow Glass Staircase

22 comments:

Claudia said...

ha - you paint quite the picture here... and good job on the form sir... mine's hidden in a longer poem a bit..

Brian Miller said...

nice...the third line makes a nice bridge in this...tied to the organs of the first but the color bleeds into the last line...the yolk binds the paint though...and that is the problem...smiles.

Björn Rudberg said...

I like the picture you paint.. the last line is really intriguing.. There is something quite fleeting.. like the smoke curtains hiding...

Mary said...

That last line is especially evocative, Anthony!

Gabriella said...

You did well with the form and certainly added meaning to my idea of 'flawed'.

Myrna R. said...

Nice. The last line does sum it all up. What's an egg without a yolk after all? Flawed for sure.

quest4peas said...

interesting piece...at first I thought you were talking about smoker's lung, but that last line really threw me for a loop.

Beachanny said...

A bright iridescence arises out of gray; you paint the poem in depth and texture. Well done, sir.

Wolfsrosebud said...

definitely music in those lines

Anthony Desmond said...

ha. for me, the piece as a whole signifies a loss of some sort. Of course, once a poem is written, it takes on a life of its own. And whatever feeling the reader gets from it, I don't try to change. :)

Grace said...

I like how the title captures it, without saying it aloud ~ That last line pulled this together Anthony ~

ayala said...

Love the way you ended this, well done.

Truedessa said...

Hmm..when I first started reading I thought what is behind this
smoke and grey matter..I guess I am always reaching for something
between the lines. Well done...

kaykuala said...

egg tempera without the yolk

At least it is good for the health conscious. Good one Anthony!

Hank

Bodhirose said...

At first, I too thought it may be about a smoker's lung...certainly flawed but then it turned into a color way of painterly strokes...the last line tying it up nicely but with a feeling of loss somehow for me.

Cressida de Nova said...

Smoke as a substitute for grey matter is prevalent amongst many:)

bwfiction said...

reminds me of how smoking ravaged my father... but when I looked up egg tempera and discovered it was a paint - I thought it could be about how the bright blue outlook in life blinds us.

seasideauthor said...

tears? obscure the observers eye? Ultramarine a very colorful description of damages and flaws is a great abstract choice of title. True to form and a good read here.

Sumana Roy said...

ouch...smoke replacing grey matter and egg tempera without the yolk...flawed indeed...

mywordwall said...

I was thinking of smoking or other habits with the first lines, but the fourth line veered to another direction. I suppose the last line covers my first idea and a greater reality besides, e.g., incompleteness, loss, temporariness.

Susan said...

O! I saw a burnt body first, and then a burnt brain ala no smoking commercials. An odd place to see such pretty music!

manicddaily said...

Ouch--there is a sense of a real fog here, and smoke, but such yearning--really cool, Anthony, thanks. k.