grey matter in black smoke
lungs are no longer bespoke
ultramarine conceals the observer's eye
egg tempera without the yolk
©2014
Anthony Desmond Scott. All Rights Reserved.
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Rhyme-scheme AABA
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All lines approximately the same length
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The last line in the quatrain summarize the other three
22 comments:
ha - you paint quite the picture here... and good job on the form sir... mine's hidden in a longer poem a bit..
nice...the third line makes a nice bridge in this...tied to the organs of the first but the color bleeds into the last line...the yolk binds the paint though...and that is the problem...smiles.
I like the picture you paint.. the last line is really intriguing.. There is something quite fleeting.. like the smoke curtains hiding...
That last line is especially evocative, Anthony!
You did well with the form and certainly added meaning to my idea of 'flawed'.
Nice. The last line does sum it all up. What's an egg without a yolk after all? Flawed for sure.
interesting piece...at first I thought you were talking about smoker's lung, but that last line really threw me for a loop.
A bright iridescence arises out of gray; you paint the poem in depth and texture. Well done, sir.
definitely music in those lines
ha. for me, the piece as a whole signifies a loss of some sort. Of course, once a poem is written, it takes on a life of its own. And whatever feeling the reader gets from it, I don't try to change. :)
I like how the title captures it, without saying it aloud ~ That last line pulled this together Anthony ~
Love the way you ended this, well done.
Hmm..when I first started reading I thought what is behind this
smoke and grey matter..I guess I am always reaching for something
between the lines. Well done...
egg tempera without the yolk
At least it is good for the health conscious. Good one Anthony!
Hank
At first, I too thought it may be about a smoker's lung...certainly flawed but then it turned into a color way of painterly strokes...the last line tying it up nicely but with a feeling of loss somehow for me.
Smoke as a substitute for grey matter is prevalent amongst many:)
reminds me of how smoking ravaged my father... but when I looked up egg tempera and discovered it was a paint - I thought it could be about how the bright blue outlook in life blinds us.
tears? obscure the observers eye? Ultramarine a very colorful description of damages and flaws is a great abstract choice of title. True to form and a good read here.
ouch...smoke replacing grey matter and egg tempera without the yolk...flawed indeed...
I was thinking of smoking or other habits with the first lines, but the fourth line veered to another direction. I suppose the last line covers my first idea and a greater reality besides, e.g., incompleteness, loss, temporariness.
O! I saw a burnt body first, and then a burnt brain ala no smoking commercials. An odd place to see such pretty music!
Ouch--there is a sense of a real fog here, and smoke, but such yearning--really cool, Anthony, thanks. k.
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