Monday, March 9, 2015

His Confession

Time ran away from me while chasing wants
I thought were necessities
obsessions with pussy money and weed bled on the floor
of the confessional this was the first time
he didn't mind asking for help

the art of compromise
but before hand bad habits
from the nuisance of itchy palms
lead to the scattering of regrets
and he continued

the mother's baby I took her for granted
and I lost the only thing I ever wanted
in the beginning and in the beginning
the writing was on the walls but
it's like I stabbed myself in the eyes with the pens
so I was blind to the fact that I had it all

he said
She was the virgin mary
and I was judas on my life
ready to betray god if
this bitch decide to have my baby


she said
how'd it turn to this
how'd it turn into this
the whites of your eyes turned
into dark lies and what's to hide
in a home when the glass is tinted
and your soul is cut from the world?

He said being an artist is too big a responsibility
for some art is the only thing worth believing in
that means someone out there believes in me
the way one might believe in god
and I can't take the pressures of believing
in myself because that would make me my own god
so I'll stay in disbelief
like america being the richest country
yet we got millions with nothing to eat
just food for the soul when it's dark and lonely on this road
they call the life of an artist

usually plagued by a dead end and suicidal thoughts begin
to take over when those world wide sales were dismal
and international success didn't take over

that's why my sweetest dreams are my nightmares
and it's so hard to focus when you're not there
and I lose it wondering if my muse will ever
end up face down on the pavement before I do

the importance of preeminence
can be fatal if you're not passionate
and it feeds off you

©2015 Anthony Desmond Scott. All Rights Reserved.
for d'verse... what's your confession?

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Brian Miller said...

if my muse hits the pavement before me, i dont know how much life i have left left....the not believing in yourself so as not to become your own god was a really powerful section anthony....def some shock n awe through this as well...

Mary said...

This is intense, Anthony. I hear you and feel your words. There is so much to being an artist that we don't always consider! Passion, yes passion.

Claudia said...

too big a responsibility...i think some of the artists have felt that weight full force.. it's not just something we do but what we are and search for.. def. the passion is felt in this anthony...very intense writing

Anonymous said...

The weight of uncertainty the weight of putting food on the table, the passion that has to be fed, either it dies in a failure or is smothered by success.. Loved the reading, it really brought forth the intensity.

Björn Rudberg said...

Hmm somehow I became Anonymous - the comment above was mine - Bjorn

Gabriella said...

"I was blind to the fact that I had it all" - sometimes the very things we need are right under our nose and we don't see them and when we do it is often too late.

Heaven said...

It is a harsh reality of choosing to live the life of an artist ~ I admire the italics, as if there is conversation in one's head ~ This line struck out for me:

that's why my sweetest dreams are my nightmares

Such a power in your voice ~ Grace

KB said...

Pretty powerful Anthony. >KB

Hayes Spencer said...

Wow. The muse vs. love vs. truth vs. dreams vs. nightmares. So much in this, such a painful and intense write. The realization of what is real and important and yet, still the muse beckons and regardless. one follow. Kanzensakura

Glenn Buttkus said...

Some muscular musings in this piece, brother. Part confession, part regret, part prophecy. Many of us stood at that Crossroads, & found that serving our ART, satiating all the Muse-bitchs, became a part-time
passion, & that we made our living through other means. Artists need both luck & patronage to succeed ands/or survive.

C.C. said...

Anthony, this is absolutely breathtaking. Listening to the reading of it makes it even more powerful. My favorite part is this:

She was the virgin mary
and I was judas on my life
ready to betray god if
this bitch decide to have my baby


So incredibly brilliant and stunning....the biblical allusions, the use of language, the repetition. Wow, wow, wow.

Anonymous said...

"the whites of your eyes turned into dark lies" was a great 'punch in the gut' line. Nicely penned, Anthony.

Marina Sofia said...

It feels like two different poems to me, although of course intimately connected. One starts off as an age-old story of fear of commitment, abandonment, not appreciating what you've got. And then you open it up to different voices, to wider regrets, to universal doubts.

Wolfsrosebud said...

art, like anything, just be held in balance... passionate write.

Anna Chamberlain said...

I agree with Brian that the need to resist becoming your own god and the power others give to the artist was very powerful. I think all the creation and destruction of art can go to an artist's head, wreaking havoc. The gift becomes the curse. Potent work here.

Anonymous said...

It's the conundrum, an artist needing appreciation and feedback, but it it gets out of hand he must hide from it.

Myrna R. said...

Very passionate write Anthony. I guess none of us has it all, though many of us have a lot. I think that you need not have any regrets. You are an artist with all that encompasses including the responsibility. I hope you do believe in yourself.

Abhra Pal said...

"just food for the soul when it's dark and lonely on this road
they call the life of an artist "

Brilliantly done Anthony - and very powerful piece too.

Anonymous said...

Deep, and very powerful.

Hannah said...

Powerful write,'s intriguing that what we son't want the most can end up being the only thing we need...your thoughts on believing in art drew me in as well...the entirety is, as I stated...very powerful and thank you, for the inspiration, Anthony.

Anonymous said...

I have a story that is similar -
danced by a young beauty and a fool.
Some mistakes are forever.

Strong words.

Anonymous said...

Anthony - this floored me - such an emotional raw and intense poem - just beautiful

Truedessa said...

My sweetest dreams are my nightmares..that is a powerful statement there and nightmares
wake me in a fit of despair as I try to make sense of reality. The life of an artist can be difficult and one has to stay grounded.

Raivenne said...

"and I lose it wondering if my muse will ever
end up face down on the pavement before I do"

That is one of my harshest fears. I tell myself I will be alright, but I lie. My words are so much my life, my passion, my piece of me I can share with you, but can never give up for you. Starving my soul to feed our bodies is a choice I pray I never have to make.

Prajakta said...

This was deep and scary. The anger really hit hard. I was especially moved by these lines:
"She was the virgin mary
and I was judas on my life"

Kate Mia said...

Art is the meal never satisfied by human wants and needs alone.. ART is the life that lives by needs and wants never satisfied by life alone..

ART IS wORth living for living wORth IS ART

Anonymous said...

Very intense, indeed.

Other Mary said...

Wow, that's powerful, from the first line, "Time ran away from me..."
you had me. I too was taken with the stanza about believing in yourself and setting yourself up as a god.

humbird said...

You made my heart pumps faster...and what the contrast to read by myself after your reading....We really set the bar with our supporting, on demand poems or just being high expression of our soul....sure, the responsibilities grow and readers want to see/read more...responsibilities, passion to do it, growing together with our reader, teaching/learning along with them - required if we decide to serve the art... ~ Inspiring, taking to new dimensions your poem!

Amrit Sinha said...

I loved the different dimensions your poetry took ... very hard hitting and powerful :-)

Victoria said...

Intense, raw feeling expressed in such a way as to make me stop and catch my breath. The contrast of light and darkness speaks to "everyman."

blogoratti said...

Vivid thoughts you got there.

Thotpurge said...

That was real intense and the part about becoming your own God.. I'm going to be coming back to this poem several times. Wow.

Anonymous said...

wow, that was amazingly passionate, i could just see you emoting as i listened

The Befuddled Flatulent Blogger

Tameka Mullins said...

Hearing you recite this added a wonderful dimension. I went back and read it without your voice and it sang in another color. Very beautiful and honest. We sacrifice a lot for our art that is for sure.

Lupita said...

Wow, powerful images Anthony. It is raw, but seems to ring true. I'm glad that she got her own set of wings now.